Journal entry made not as a part of US Code 2257 record keeping requirements.
Notable text messages of last evening:
From her:
"I wanna come [here, to me]..Aching hardcore to have you all the way."
"..omg..She's walking around my living room freshly showered wearing nothing but a tiny tube top and a see thru lace thong I let her borrow..[about an 18+ girl at her place]"
"I'm trying to act totally natural that I just saw her bare cunt and watched her put lotion all over"
"I wanna talk to you...I wish she would take her hot self outta here"
"You're everything, too."
From me:
"Heh, looking at Mapquest..there's a ramp to [interstate] at [road local to her]."
"Aww..that's the one I wanted to see YOU in!..."
"...was busy thinking of your own bare cunt..and I like it, so much, that you like cunted ones, and their cunts, too, at least as much as I."
"Lmao...a sentence you might never hear me say..I love you"
"You're everything.."
***
So yah, when she had mentioned this girl's bare cunt, it had got me thinking about her own bare cunt, and the things we did not do, and the things I did not take and give while I was up there..and how things had been, thus far, so far as our shared phone playtimes, too.
Those playtimes, and those climaxes, yes, had been shared, but so far, they had been shared as in the context of us masturbating together, and not really, for me, from a standpoint of actually making love to/fucking her more directly..and intimately.
It had already been, after all, this big giant step sharing such things with an adult, with no fantasy child even involved, even the one might reside inside that adult.
So, thus far, it had been, for me, a situation of "mkay, baby, we are both aching, for whatever it is we ache, so lets do this together." And in the moments and the flashes, yes, it had been her I was fucking over the phone. It had been adult her, and adult her body and mind, and in a sense, because of our..shared location and state of mind, us, alone.
However, I had not tried it being really us, really us on the same damn page, nah. I'm not even sure why, but I am positive much of that had to do with fear. Fear of failure (to climax - for the intense truthfulness of adult), fear of alienation, and fear of "losing her," for the possible failure in any of these departments.
So I contemplated, while she waited for her oh so hot friend to depart, what that would be like, the completeness, etc. I contemplated the things I had not done while I was up there. The things I had never done, period, over the phone.
When her friend left, and she telephoned me, I told her about all of this - some of which, I do not think she completely understood. Then, when we fell into our place, I approached it from that standpoint, of really being there, of really making love to her, and not just sharing a climax.
It was total loveliness.
Totally.
***
K, update and record keeping complete.
[Also, for greatestjournal, I copied many missing entries from insanejournal to here, from 8/15 to the current]