"[Yanno, 'cause I did say, lo these seven years ago, that I was gonna keep a record and all, so someone, someday, maybe even me, would know what ever happened to me.]
So yah, there's more. Of course, there's more.
Allow me to ramble, then, dear journal, stream of conscience-style.
I was always afraid to call anyone, period, on the phone.
And, for the same reason, my greatest fear, always, through all of this, was that when push came to shove, I would not be able to be ""there."" There, at girl lover, and that that would be such a huge disappointment for her, and the end of us, and some super scary horizon for me.
So yeah, you bet I am amazed that is not even a requirement for her (though yes, sure, I thought it was), more amazed, still, that it isn't for me, either.
***
And I can't stop dreaming, either.
Or fantasizing, either.
I'm all in."